drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
