Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
