I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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