so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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