fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
