i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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