Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
