her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
