youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
