Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
