I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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