Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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