he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
