she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize