I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
