she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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