Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
