i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
