You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
