were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
