how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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