On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
