Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
