Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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