What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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