Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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