Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
