Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
