When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
