I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
