Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
