well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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