He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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