I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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