First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
