its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
