the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
