I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
