Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
