i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
