I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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