Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
where are my eyebrows?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
