You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize