i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
