the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
