i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
