what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
