I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
