I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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