Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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