sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
