So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
