it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
