he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
