They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
