I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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