This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
