Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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