Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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