The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
