dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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