I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize