her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
