Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
