Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
