I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
