I need help removing her.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
