I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
