I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
